Raven's Need a Spanking Award: Laws

I am not sure what the thought processes were behind certain laws...uh, what am I saying? The mental capabilities are questionable in itself, but I really would love to know where these "lawmakers" found their inspiration to pen down what must be the silliest laws that are/were in existence.

Kissing:

Iowa:  

After 5 minutes of kissing, you will be breaking the law.

*****

Logan Country, Colorado:

Kissing a sleeping woman is illegal.

*****

Eureka, Nevada:

If you have a moustache, it is against the law to kiss a woman.

Dress code:

Kentucky:

Females are not in breach of the law if wearing a bath suit on any highway when she is escorted by at least two officers, or unless she is armed with a club.

An amendment of this law further states that the provisions of this statue do not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds or exceeding 200 pounds.

Oh, and it does not apply to female horses.

*****

Bozeman, Montana:

No sexual activity allowed between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown if they are nude, however, if you wear socks, you should be safe from being arrested.

*****

Helena, Montana:

Any female that might have a desire to dance on a table in a saloon or bar must make sure that she is wearing at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing to stay on the right side of the law.

Places:

Liberty Corner, New Jersey:

Avoid having sex in a parked car, accidental sounding of the horn (referring to the car's horn here..), might result in you going to prison.

*****

Oxford, Ohio:

Women are not allowed to remove their clothing if standing in front of a man's picture.

*****

Oblong, Illinois:

It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

Sex:

Washington DC:

Anything else but the missionary-style position might land you up in some trouble with the law.

*****

Willowdale, Oregon:

Husbands to take note that in order to stay within the boundaries of the law, cursing should be avoided whilst having sex.

*****

State of Washington:

No sex with any virgin under any circumstances, and that includes the wedding night.

Laws I DO agree with:

Kentucky:

It is illegal to marry the same man more than 3 times.

(If it did not work the first three times, TRUST me, it is highly doubtful that it will work on the fourth try)

*****

Alexandria, Minnesota:

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions or sardines on his breath, if his wife so requests, the law states that he must brush his teeth.

(Eh, the rolling of her eyes is not an indication of your excellent performance, she is most likely busy passing out!)

*****

Connorsville, Wisconsin:

Please refrain from shooting off a gun if your female partner is having an orgasm.

(That will kill the moment...seriously...)

Finally, something on Spanking:

Los Angeles:

A man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, however, the belt cannot be wider than two inches. Anything wider, please obtain her consent prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.

Raven's Needs a Spanking Award: Spanking Discrimination?

Although this incident in South Africa occurred in 2005, it is still reflective of a society desperately to live according to picture perfect ideologies, and although most of the concerns raised are important and valid in their own right and context, it is quite sad how we continue to trip over our own hypocrisies.

The Story:

An advertising campaign, Brand Spanking New Fashion, was being run at Young Designers Emporium Clothing's stores and on their website. Instead of referring to "new season clothing", they used "Brand Spanking New Fashion" in which they showed males and females being spanked.

Shortly thereafter, the complaints started, with accusations that the campaign inter alia was promoting abuse against woman and children. The Law Society of South Africa objected to the campaign "in which a woman is seen being spanked and bruised" They stated that the advert was in bad taste and cannot be tolerated in a country where the legislature and other concerned stakeholders were making efforts to root out all forms of women and child abuse. In another incident a very angry woman had walked into a shop and ripped the poster apart before the staff could realize what she was doing and stop her.

The issue became the focus for a radio discussion with even a  media expert from the University of Cape Town stating that the pictures were "naughty and provocative", but not a trigger for men who hit women. A couple of complaints were lodged with the Advertising Standards Authority, but before the validity of the complaints against the campaign could be tested, YDE ended the advertising, in order to launch their next advertising campaign.

Raven's Opinion:

A columnist stated the following:

“Please will the lights-out, missionary-position brigade get some perspective. In a country where certain tribal beliefs hold that any wetness of the vagina during sexual intercourse is an indication that a woman is too overtly sexual, as opposed to acting as an affirmation that she is enjoying herself we should be celebrating any image in the public space that puts women on equal footing with men as beings capable of demanding their own sexual gratification"

The original journalist had the following to say in a follow-up article:

“One could look at the ad as promoting sexual freedom. In a country being ruined by HIV/Aids and talking about sex is still frowned upon or makes one blush, perhaps we need this kind of 'exposure'.”  

I do not actually have anything else to add - I think both female journalists above, said what needed to be said.

 The hypocrisy?

With the entire outcry, stomping of feet and gnashing of teeth, it is best said in the words of YDE’s Creative director; “We show a man and woman being spanked. It is quite surprising that no one said anything about the man being spanked."

In my opinion, a brief article on this is true.com sums it up better than anyone else:

“When is the discriminatory treatment of women not really discriminatory? How about when an ad campaign shows women and men being treated exactly the same? Nope: that's still discrimination! At least, it is in South Africa.” 

“This advertisement is an outrage. It is horrendous discrimination for a woman to be "spanked" -- why, look at those red marks and everything! The store that ran this ad should be hounded out of business.”  

"This advertisement, however, is fine - no problem seen; pefectly acceptable, please carry on. Any redness seen is probably just a color balance problem with the photography."

Raven's Need a Spanking Award 3

 During the recent floods in Australia, two teenagers, for some idiotic, thrill seeking reason decided to ride a swollen river, using none other than blow-up sex dolls. Things did go slightly wrong, as the female lost her hold on the doll, and was found clinging to trees, whilst waiting to be rescued. Her partner, and his doll, remained with her until the rescue efforts were completed.

The police was understandably not amused, and the couple received quite a stern lecture including a sermon regarding the use of “recognised" flotation devices.

Raven's Notes:
I do acknowledge that the couple was beyond any acceptable levels of intelligence, and understand the absolute irritation the police, alongside rescue workers must have felt, at their time being wasted, while others were in real need.
However, the use of the word “recognisable” might have not been the wisest.
Erm...there is no mistaking in recognising a very pale pink, naked, open mouthed (inter alia), air-filled, latex female-shaped device....

The Need a Spanking Award goes to:

ALL the Tops that had rolled their eyes upon realising that it was the female that lost her doll!  

Raven's Needs A Spanking Award 2

In the name of Education:

South Africa’s minister of Higher Education and Training has resorted to stating that “darkies” are damned if they do, and damned if they do not, when challenged in parliament regarding the failures experienced in the Education system.

However, ignoring all the political rhetoric around this issue, I think I have finally found the root cause to our problems experienced with education in this country.

Bus driver arrested for overloading a 62-seater bus, allowing 116 children aboard.

Taxi driver arrested for overloading a 26-seater bus, by allowing 113 people aboard, of which 105 were children. The driver also did not have a drivers licence, the bus had an expired operator’s disc and the final clinch – there were five warrants of arrest outstanding for the driver. 

Taxi driver arrested for overloading a 21-seater bus, allowing 62 people aboard, of which 59 were children. Oh, again, no drivers licence, no public driver permit or an operator’s disc. 

Taxi driver arrested for overloading a 14-seater bus, allowing 45 children aboard. The same driver was stopped earlier in the week and issued with a ticket for driving the bus without an operator’s disc. 

The Award goes to:

Teachers.

Clearly, a good spanking session is required, with the allocated punishment to be counted down by the teacher whose bottom is being warmed, in order to remind him/her of the importance of teaching others  how to count, add and subtract.

Tangled Web

Girl works for Guy and his Partner free for a year to prove that she is employable.

Eventually Girl is employed full time with Guy promising a salary, but Girl receives a lesser salary on her paydays.

Girl, Guy and Partner have a row, with Girl taking Guy and Partner to employment tribunal.

Girl looses case, but Guy pays for her legal fees and Girl tells newspaper they are a very happily married couple?

The Award goes to:

The whole lot of them  (Girl, Guy and Partner)

Reading the article gave me a headache.

The Abominable Snowman:

With the abundance of snow, a 16-year-old boy decided to build a snowman. Well, in a way then, as he decided on only one anatomical part, and after the 7-foot sculpture was completed, it was clear that it was rather a very well endowed snowman. The police came to visit, and the end the inevitable happened – what goes up, does come down.

The Award goes to:

Certain of the commentators on the published story.

“Kiddies porn, to be registered as a sex offender, what type of parents, what is next – knocking up the innocent girl next door, blah blah blah.”

Bottoms needs to be warmed to remind old cynical, righteous and oh so politically correct farts that they were also young, even though it seems that it was around the time earth was created.

Oh, and a reminder that a typical 16 year old boy, is quite fascinated by all things sexual – it is part of the normal growing up process.

Raven's Need a Spanking Awards

Sundays are my self-proclaimed lazy days, no use in even trying to deny it. I normally spend my morning online, reading various newspapers in an effort to keep up with the latest. I try to read as much as what I can, therefore I always read the international news first, then move across to the local news. Simple reason for that, the local news either have me laughing so much, that I need another nap, or get me so upset and hot under the collar, that I need erm...another nap.

Today I had another idea, which as Uncle Nick can verify, might be dangerous...for my bottom that is. However, for some odd reason lately, when reading the news, I had started wondering why it is that I must be the one presenting my bottom for mild little misunderstandings, when there are clearly more deserving persons that should have very red and warm bottoms?  Therefore, I have decided that every Sunday onwards, I will put forward a list for bottoms that, in my opinion, are urgently in need of a spanking.

The Artist, the Song, the Politician and another Artist

Tonight is the long awaited U2 concert in South Africa, with an audience attendance apparently estimated at 100 000. U2 does have a massive fan base in South Africa, but dear Bono today has upset most probably quite a bit of those fans by telling the local newspaper, The Sunday Times, that the anti-apartheid song, “Shoot the farmer” has a place within the culture of South Africa.

Unfortunately, this song is most often sung by Julius Malema, the outspoken ANC youthleader, who is currently facing a court hearing because of his singing talents being regarded as hate speech.

Poor ole Julius is in turn hated by an Afrikaans musician that has to the horror of most, also jumped onto to the political bandwagon recently. So not to be outdone, Steve Hofmeyer, has added his erm...R5000,00 worth of U2 tickets to the furore that has broken loose, as he torn them to shreds and politely dumped them into the Jukskei river as a token of protest.

Taking into account that the river is already polluted to the hilt, and that he is really far too old for tantrums, I am of the opinion that the first Raven’s Need a Spanking Award should be awarded with no further ado, to Mr Hofmeyer. In addition, all three of them then should have a stern lecture to decide who sings, who spin political tales, and who the hell is going to clean up the river!

The snake, a Pick-Up truck and the South African Police Force

A very deadly snake, a boomslang, had made the cab of the vehicle his home for about two weeks, but typical male, became restless and he decided to look for another home. Problem was, he made his decision during a trip underway, at reasonable speed, with a woman behind the steering wheel.

The driver is unable to recall anything after she spotted the snake sharing the vehicle with her, apart from the fact, that she battled to remember that she was suppose to undo the seatbelt in order to exit out the car properly.

The amazing bit of the story though, is the arrival of fifteen police officials on the scene. Fifteen? Fourteen bottoms should be burning... Oh, and the snake? Unharmed, caught by a professional snake catcher about three hours later, released back into the wild.

A Leash, a Penis and the French Journalist.

A 63-year-old woman and her 40-year-old companion were quietly strolling down a busy street in Carcassonne, France. However, it did appear that some exception was taken that she was leading him by a leash attached to his exposed penis, and as such, they were promptly arrested for public indecency.

In my opinion though, the journalist is in dire need of a spanking, the article only had a photo of the leash...where is the rest?!  Surely, someone took a photo? So much for keeping your readers fully informed.