Awareness, a South African School Spanking Tale

From a very young age, I realised that somehow, I was different. I was not like children my age, nor did I act the same way. I did not play with dolls - I had books. I did not have a group of friends, I was the loner, the outsider, always observing. I constantly challenged the status quo, firmly gaining the reputation of being anti-establishment prone, unpatriotic and rebellious. And being blessed with a mind, that even from a young age could distinguish weaknesses in people, together with the ability to dream up the biggest stories, I used these talents to defend or emphasise that what mattered to me.

But there was this other thing...my deep, hidden secret, that I could not name for years. I must have been eight or nine years old, when I walked past a classroom and saw a girl laying across a desk, her school dress lifted and her panties around her ankles. Her friend was on the opposite side of the table, holding her hands. And then there was the teacher....using a thick leather strap, applying stroke after stroke on the naked bottom. The girls had to change places, and the friend was crying and pleading, but she was bent over the same desk, the dress lifted, the panties pulled down...and the same was done to her.

I remember that I was frozen in one spot, barely breathing, and scared to death that I would be seen..but totally unable to look away, even for a second. And I can so vividly remember this feeling of excitement coursing through my body....it felt as if my whole body, my bottom was tingling in anticipation... Even today thinking back, I can still see the face of the teacher, so absolutely determined to mete out the punishment, his total concentration in ensuring that every stroke of his leather strap found its mark, the girls, helpless laying across their school desks, their hands held captive, the sound of leather smacking against bare flesh....

Taking into consideration my age when this happened, and the knowledge of the physiological development of a female body, I have wondered and still am, whether my response could have been my first moment of sexual awareness...which rationally and logically was way to early. And the reality - corporal punishment those years were the norm in South Africa, with courts meting out caning punishments for minor infractions. Schools teachers were allowed to punish students in a manner they saw fit.  However it was never regarded in my parent's house as the absolute, nor was it practised with any sexual connotations, and in actual fact, I went out of my way to avoid doing anything that would invoke a spanking (not very successfully I might add).

But the question remained for years, with the realisation that I am a person with a natural instinct to dominate and rebel, to question and to challenge, my ingrained negative attitude towards authority, why this event, seeing the total submissiveness and the accompanied punishment meted out that day, resulted in an absolute desire and wish, that it was me with my school dress lifted and panties pulled down, stretched over that table, feeling the leather strap biting into my bare bottom...