Raven's FAQ Part 2

Somewhere in the evolution of the opposite sex, some misguided advice had become firm religion. I can remember my brother at the age of sixteen practising his pick-up lines, well, truth to be told, I never laughed so much in one day. 

Whether the line is delivered in the attempted form of seduction, with some guy hoarsely whispering some idiotic thing in your ear, or being delivered with all the arrogance of a bantam cockerel, it appears that men firmly believe that a pick-up line is the golden key to attain a woman's undying love, or, as Uncle Nick pointed out, it is rather that the believe is based on the hope of sweeping the woman right of her feet onto her back.

In my opinion, the culprit that shared his advice all those years ago, should have been hunted down and made to stand in a corner for a long, long time.

"Your ass should be red / Is your ass red? / How red is your ass?"
"I do not own an ass. I know this is Africa, but unlike the lions that we do have roaming the streets together with the elephants, it is rather illegal to keep donkeys within city limits. However, if I had a donkey, why would I want the poor thing to be red? And they only tend to come in shades of brown and grey."

Raven's Notes:
I do acknowledge that the word "ass" in American English refers to the bottom; however, I had my mouth washed out with soap once when using the word. In short, I have quite an aversion to the word. By the way, the redness? It depends....

"I want to spank you."
"You are number 1456 in the queue, please take a seat and wait for your number to be called."

Raven's Notes:
 Not sure why it is that, every Tom, Dick, and Harry seem to want to spank me. I am investigating the possibility to install a pay gate on my chat box that automatically collects a dollar from every person stating his desire to get hold of my bottom. There is a distinct possibility that I might then be able to retire before the year is out.

"I am horny!”
"Oh my goodness! Congratulations! You found your brain!!"

Raven's Notes:
None. Whatsoever. Do not want my mouth washed out with soap again...  

Alas, I am rather sad to say, that I do not see an end to the folly of the opposite sex, especially when I found a couple of websites, which provides advice on how to use pick-up lines, with a guarantee that it will work.

Try online training free and discover how to: 
Get a woman aroused and interested in you immediately by using proven, dirty pick up lines.
Keep a woman engaged and interested in what you have to say, so you can chat long enough to move things forward to a phone number, kiss, or sex.
Make a woman fall in love with you, by using our secret techniques that are invisible to the naked eye.
Use body language to make a woman feel rushes of sexual attraction for you.
Confidently approach women. 

Raven's Notes:
I have sent a prayer upstairs, nicely asking if I can please, please be witness to the teachings of the secret techniques...that are invisible to the naked eye...  


joey said...

bit hard on us blokes there raven im shore i would not have to use dirty wordes for you to come out for a meal and chat with me or does that sound like a bloke with tickets on himself as for spanking you it would be a pleasure if thates what you wanted and vice versa i would be happy to bend over to receive the cane from you all in all a another good writing

barely.pink said...

While these are bad, the worst I saw in chat was the opening line of "Hi" and then...nothing. Five minutes later, after I'd asked how this reserved man was, he'd reply "Good". And then nothing.

This pattern repeated until I finally got the heart to block him.

Surprisingly, this is a technique employed by quite a few chatters. Leaves much to be desired, making me want to say something like, "Hey buddy, don't you want to spank me?" (That would have been a welcome change to the painful silence.)

Funny post, Raven! :)

B'Man said...

Hopelessly hilarious!

Hermione said...

I'm glad I stay out of chat rooms. They sound like really challenging places.


Raven Red said...

Joey, not hard on the blokes at all...just the ones that act like idiots..
And thank you...


Raven Red said...

I had one or two of those, but will honestly admit, rather the silence.
I normally chat inbetween doing other things, and have with one of these very stilted conversations forgotten about the chat, and actually signed off.
I was defriended (sob)! LOL!



Raven Red said...

Apart from these occassions being good practise sessions for my sarcasm, it is either a choice of laughing about it, or sitting in a corner, disgusted with the world.
I like to laugh..


Raven Red said...

So do I - stay out of chat rooms that is.
These are "approaches" via the chat option on the social networking sites..
And the flip side of the coin though is that along the line, you do actually "meet" very nice people..
But I do agree fully - challenging it is at times..I have mastered the skill of signing in, checking what I want to see on the page, and leaving before anyone even had the chance to say: Hi...


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