Star Trek Spanking across the Universe...

I am a huge Star Trek fan. I was about 11 years old when television was finally introduced into South Africa, and when we eventually moved away from staring at the test pattern, to watch some actual programmes, Star Trek was amongst the first Science Fiction offerings. I immediately fell in love with Captain Kirk, Mr Spock and Scotty, although I did not have much of a liking for Dr McCoy.

However, can you imagine Mr Spock as a TOP?

Desperately trying to find ways not to explain to the alien with the pointy ears that I suffered a little mishap:

What does it mean, 'exact change'?

I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.

You will answer me.

You were saying you would have no trouble explaining it.

You have 8 minutes, 41 seconds.

Not doing a very good job of it:

Would you mind explaining that statement, please?

It appears that you have been keeping important information from me...

Some nervous tension building as all my explanations are ever so kindly blown out of the water:

Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected. In this case, I should think "interesting" would suffice.

Are you sure, it is not time for a "colourful metaphor"?

I find this scientifically fascinating. Congratulations on a dazzling display of logic.

Okay, trying the "It was not that serious, it was more like a joke" routine...

A joke is a story with a humorous climax. I fail to see the humour in the situation.

Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.

Insufficient facts always invite danger.

I do not believe you realize the gravity of your situation.

Attack is the best form of defence, so I will now revert to the use of anger and hurt, with some well-placed denials inserted here and there:

I fail to comprehend your indignation. I have simply made the logical deduction that you are a liar.

Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

You are employing a double negative.

To deny the facts would be illogical.

That did not work to well; maybe I should use the love card?

You mean, love as motivation? Hmm. Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion.

Not only did you violate the rules, you also fail to understand the principal lesson.

What you want is irrelevant, what you have chosen is at hand.

Conclusion:

It seems that it would be unavoidable that my bottom would rather be red and tender. Note to self: Avoid aliens with pointy ears, and with words such as illogical in their vocabulary, unless you have ample soft cushions lying around.

I do not threaten. I merely state facts.

True. Constant exposure does result in a certain degree of - contamination.

I am sure you will find it a fascinating experience.



(Source)

Mr Spock quotes in Star Trek episodes/movies, definitely out of context, but logically re-arranged.