Guest Post: HH on his Weight Loss Plan

A year or two ago, I published a Blog on my thoughts regarding a weight loss plan. Having struggled with my weight over the years, I have attended Weighless Meetings and attempted to stick to their plan – which sadly does not allow Whisky, Beer and all the other delicacies that make a man’s life pleasurable.

Whisky and naked innocent, not to paddled bottoms perhaps?

The way it works is that you pay over a hefty membership fee to access their largely lettuce and tomato diet (both of which I despise!!) and get to attend a weekly meeting. Everyone attending the meeting is publicly weighed. Now this is fine if you have lost weight. You get a polite round of applause if you have lost. There is, however, a rather stony silence if you have either maintained or gained from the previous week. A tad embarrassing, but that is it!

Was really the ONLY picture I could find...promise!

Now what if there was a real incentive?

Something like this HH?
Oh...you are talking about me.
She does rather have a nice knife there...

I have absolutely no doubt that a full confession as to why you have not lost weight in the previous week followed by a bare bottom spanking in front of the assembly, would do the trick. Somewhere, Raven had a similar idea. Needing to shed a few pounds, she enlisted the help of a spanker to provide her with some real incentive. The only problem was that he does not always have the time as he is away on business quite often.

Becoming very familiar - this position
(Photo: Pink Report)

Some three weeks ago, she enlisted my help. The deal is that she reports to me every Friday morning as to her progress. Her target is 1 Kg per week – certainly an achievable and realistic target. Failure to reach target means six with the paddle. Of all of the implements at my disposal, the one that Raven fears the most is my paddle. So, I believed we had a good plan in place to provide her with the necessary support to lose weight.

Somehow our plans do not seem to be aligned...
Food wise and bottom wise...
(Photo: The Pink Report)

Well the first report was fine and she achieved target. The same in the second week, but sadly not so in the third week. She also failed to report in on time. Unfortunately, I was away and unable to deliver the required incentive to ensure that she had the necessary motivation to eat sensibly. Needless to say, it seems that the Easter Bunny had overloaded her and she had yet again failed to meet target.

Not MY fault that the Easter Bunny brought so many Hot Cross buns...
(There was no need to turn my bottom into antoher one, though!)

On my return, we discussed her progress, or rather lack thereof, and agreed that some real motivation was necessary. Wednesday evening she arrived to settle her account. Assuming her usual position, bent over my chair, she had a look of horror when I produced the paddle. This miniature cricket bat is a rather special object. It is autographed by two of the giants of modern cricket – Graeme Smith and Ricky Ponting – and will in time, I am sure, become a family heirloom. It also doubles as a damn fine paddle!!

What comes to mind?
Matches, petrol and a big fire...

It certainly did some damage to Raven’s Bottom on Wednesday evening! After 12 strokes (6 for not achieving target and 6 for reporting in late) her bottom was in rather a sorry state. I know it stings like a thousand hornets and despite the fact that her feet were enclosed in rather snazzy boots, there was a great deal of foot movement. A sure sign of her anguish!

Hoping for guilt here...lots of it...

I hope she has no long meetings scheduled, as I have no doubt she will have difficulty in sitting still for protracted periods. I am equally convinced that the message I receive on Friday will be far more positive than the last one!! Good luck Raven, I am holding thumbs for you.

Me too, HH...me too...