Raven Red on being Submissive

If I had to tick a box, my tick will be firmly be against that of being Submissive and/or Bottom.  The Oxford dictionary classifies submissive as "ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive". A bottom is classified as the partner in relationship who takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role, to that of the top or dominant.

But how does this qualify or quantify me? I am not a passive or meekly obedient person; in fact I am quite the opposite. Nor am I a mindless puppet that can be conscripted to a role as another sees it fit. I speak my mind as I see fit, even when I know that what I have to say might not be liked.  I will argue about a point if I believe I am right, but I will concede when I am wrong. I do not back down if my values or morals are trampled upon, however, I do not judge another for believing in something else.

I believe that respect is earned and is not a given, and as such, with the best will in the world; I cannot call another “Sir” simply because it is “expected”. However, when I know that I am wrong, saying “Sir” is not an appeasement, it is my acknowledgment of being in the wrong. I have a sense of humour which for most of the time can get me out of trouble, but on the other hand can land me in hot water even quicker.

I have a desire to be spanked, although I will attempt near anything to avoid it when I have overstepped the line and it becomes inevitable. I will not deny the fact that I am aroused before and after a spanking, but during the spanking I become stubborn, the resentment and anger spilling over my inadequacy to control and break the hardness within. I will sulk and provoke but at the same time, my need to return to softness will take me back over his knee.

At times I am exposed to some of those on the outer edge of the spanking world, the make-believers that become angry and nasty when their predetermined scripts and role allocations do not happen. Even worse are those that believe that if rules are not followed according to their own believe systems, condemnation and judgements are the only options to follow.

Although degrees of interest in spanking might join us together in one way or another, and we might found ourselves with some similarities, I remain a unique human being, just as others are unique in their own ways. I submit to another according to who I am, and not to what might or might not be rules or expectations. I can only be what I am, just as the next person can only be what he/she is.


Lea said...

Great post. I have a hard time with labels myself. As long as you like what you're doing, why the need to put a name on it?

Raven Red said...





bree512 said...

While I do take the label of bottom more often than not (I am a switch), I only take the label to identify what activity I would like to experience at a spanking party at that particular time without saying it outloud. But it is just me being....well...me. Rules are meant to guide and protect not to change you into something you are not. Just thought I would throw that out there. I understand where you are coming from and believe everyone is unique. Thank goodness! Otherwise, it would get really boring.

Raven Red said...


I do understand your viewpoint, and to a certain extend agree - however, I am me. I react to circumstances because of who I am.

I cannot react to a person that has assumed a role, not being himself in the process - and then trying to dictate how I should be acting/responding.

We all live our lives in certain order, and yes, there are rules within that. Laws that should be obeyed, daily survival rules etc.

What I do object to though is that we all have different believe systems. And within those believe systems we are comfortable - but yet, invariably, you find those that because you are not doing things their way, or they have a problem with your view on certain things - you are judged or labelled.

Example: I once in a conversation refused to call someone "Sir". Immediately a lecture followed about me not having any respect, that I should be ashamed blah blah blah.

Sorry - does not work in my books like that. In that same conversation I was polite, not rude or even remotely cheeky - in other words, I was respectful when answering.

I have been brought up, and firmly believe in that respect is earned, titles are used in formal settings and when I do address people using titles, it is out of my own free choice.

Needless to say, I was called every name under the sun, and said person left in a huff.

What makes me angry about all this - not once did I belittle his belief system, or became nasty about it - it was only a plain conclusion that we do not believe in the same thing, and obviously he is looking for something that I cannot give.

And I am busy writing a book! (GRIN)Going to stop now...



bree512 said...

Yes, Ma'am. ;)

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