Some clarity required?

Perhaps the question was not clearly understood, but this is the short version of a conversation after it was established that the “available” Dominant male might NOT be so available:
“Does your girlfriend know about your alternative interests and actions?”
“Yes, but we do not discuss it”
“I am not prepared, nor want to be, the cause of any issues between the two of you”
“Do not worry, you will not be”

Let us now proceed to the phase where actions such as composing and sending text messages that openly and graphically declare kink intent of a certain kind to a third party, whilst at the same time leaving the mobile phone in range of said girlfriend, are simply beyond my comprehension. Clearly the expression about the cat and curiosity was never clearly explained to this particular individual.

Then...the cherry on the top of this delicious recipe for disaster...a frantic text message:
“Do not call me until I call you” with a total and utter shutdown in communication thereafter.

Later that day...another text message received from an unknown number which notified me of my level of perversion, her thoughts about my level of perversion, well, suffice to say, said level was a couple of feet below ground with a clear indication that evil little red men with horns and forks must be my only friends. Oh, and some fervent hopes and wishes that I should die a horrible death.

My opinions?
I fully understood her anger and rage – I would be just as angry, because clearly she did not know anything about his desire to dominate, control and punish. In fact, I would be angrier – because this person that professed wanting to marry me (information included in text message), did not have the openness or courage to even attempt to discuss or explain what BDSM was about. Great way to build a relationship...

I am not sure when the “until I call you” bit is going to happen – seeing that it has now been over three months, I rather do suspect that it is never, not that I mind though – I have low tolerance for cowards and assholes in general. Yes, I know – bad language...naughty, naughty girl I am...so spank me, be assured, at least I will not lie about it!

The whole debacle:
I know and realise that I am most probably in a “better” position than most. I am not in a relationship where I might have to hide things, but on the other hand, I have never been a person to hide crucial details that I think another should know. I am in a consensual relationship where my desires to be submissive and to be spanked/punished are clearly understood, as it is also accepted without prejudice that it is an integral part of my sexual being.

I truly appreciate that not all people can or is willing to disclose what they perceive as their “darker side” to another. I have also come to the realisation that for me, this is who I am, and I have accepted the fact that I will never be able to be fully happy within a vanilla relationship. However, for some, whatever the kink might be, it is a fantasy, something to get the sexual juices all fired up and they might or might not get involved with some play, but once it is all over, they go back to their vanilla lives.

 My message for those individuals that do hide little secrets away from their dear ones and do not want the kink to infringe on their vanilla lifes, please belief me when I say that I do understand, BUT, if you do want to play and are playing – please do me this small little favour – at the least, have some respect for the person that you are playing with and have the damn courage to be honest about yourself and your lies.

Oh, and one last thing – utilise those brain cells –when the urge overcomes you to compose text messages to other parties detailing your kinky desires, every mobile phone does have a delete function...it is highly recommended that you should familiarise yourself with it.


Emen said...

Very well said. I feel you probably have reason to be much angrier than you sound, but as one who does mix the two worlds I do appreciate your understanding.

Even the most careful of us, and this guy certainly doesn't sound careful, but even the most cautious will slip occasionally. The endless covering of tracks, daily scrubbing of phone and computer, the overwhelming desire to keep just that one photo on the phone, or anywhere you could keep it and look at whenever you wanted, and you can't, it might be found.

Maybe it's a mistake trying to let this part of yourself live in any capacity, and I'm not making it sound much fun, but it is fun, it's life and to deny it is to live feeling much dead.

Too thought provoking, this, I run on too long.

Anonymous said...

Very well said and described. Being in a situation where I cannot reveal my "dark" side to my wife - I know exactly this situation and hopefully cover my tracks. Pure stupidity on his part I am afraid.

under cover said...

Well said...

Though.It often amazes me,how a woman,will blame the other woman...

Raven Red said...


I realise that I am fortunate in that I can be what I am, without any secrets - and realise that not all can say that.

I think what really got to me about this was the absolute carelessness of the guy - causing pain to someone very close to him which was totally unnecessary.



Raven Red said...


In full agreement with you there...



Raven Red said...

Under cover

I suppose it is human behaviour...it is easier to blame someone else or something else than the person that you love.



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