2010/12/13

Do NOT call me a Pain Slut!!

Although a newcomer to the spanking world, I am able to take harder punishment than many others. I have a high pain threshold, as was stated by a neurosurgeon, who was dumbfounded by the fact that I managed to walk around for about two months with a collapsed vertebrae. This brings me to my second point, my incredible stubbornness where pain is concerned. The reason for both can be very easily explained; a mother that firmly believed that you control the pain, and not the other way around.

However, for some reason, this has resulted in a couple of people calling me a "pain slut", which to put it mildly, irritates the hell out of me. I have spoken in length to Uncle Nick about this, and it is his view, that it is most probably the vilest description one can attribute to another. In this community where we do the thing we love, spanking is the common thread, but we all have different ideas, preferences, ideals, fantasies and principles around it. I am not a box person, you cannot try to define me, and then put me away in a neat white little box, and act surprised when I do not stay within the box.

I am in a relationship where the male is dominant and I am submissive. Our lives do not evolve around spanking alone, but Uncle Nick punishes me through spanking where necessary. To be spanked is a deliberate breakdown of an inner hardness in me. This hardness builds up progressively and if left unchecked I become arrogant with an attitude, I become irresponsible in both actions and words. An effective spanking also acts as a stress releaser, releasing the softness, a quietness and harmony that bring out the best in me.

For this to work, this hard wall within me has to be breached, and the combination of a high pain threshold with stubbornness means that it takes a bit longer and harder for the wall to finally crumble. If the punishment meted out does not attain this, I become more unsettled, restless and in general, a very unpleasant person to be around. Make no mistake, I do feel pain from the first stroke or smack onwards, but I need to be pushed harder. I need effective spankings, breaking down what needs to be broken down.

There is no denial that the sexual element plays a role, and thanks to Uncle Nick I am able to put into words my thoughts about spanking: “I love the bit before, and I absolutely love the feeling afterwards, but make no mistake,  I do definitely do not enjoy the spanking in itself”.

So I am asking nicely, call me anything you want, but please do not call me a "pain slut”...

Raven Red Notes:
To the readers of this post: I really would love to hear your opinion on the topic.
To Miss Pink:  A heartfelt thank you for taking the time to read the draft and offering your advice.

6 comments:

Brett B said...

The term isn't very attractive to me, but if someone really gets off on more and more pain because they enjoy pain, then I guess "pain slut" is a good way to describe the characteristic---if the person so described embraces the term. A pain slut wouldn't make a very compatible partner for me because inflicting a high degree of pain isn't really what I enjoy. Punishment and discipline is my kink, or I like spanking and domination as erotic play that isn't very heavy. With the former, punishment must be experienced as unpleasant---and I'm quite content if effective punishment doesn't need to be severe. Administering more severe punishment is, emotionally, a heavier task. The pleasure in punishment for me isn't about the physical pain, but in all the other feelings that you describe. Sometimes it's a more difficult path to get there.

Raven Red said...

Hi Brett

I agree that IF a person so described embraces the term, it is acceptable.

I, however, do not, and I take great exception to it. The word slut for starters, to me, is extremely offensive.

And I definitely do not get off on pain, no matter the amount. However, because my body and mind are set up in a different way, a spanking administered tend to be longer than normal in order for me to get to the point, where the resistance and hardness inside me lets go, a release valve of all things negative.

The days following a punishment, I revel and enjoy (getting off) in feeling the calmness, the change, the softness, the yielding. Uncle Nick even states that my voice changes, it is softer, more liquid - as he describes it.

Thank you so much for comments as well.

Hugs

Raven

thepinkreport said...

I agree with you, that if a person embraces the term, then they should be called whatever they like.

However, I'm with you on the "pain slut" usage. When it's used to describe what we do, it minimizes the depth of the exchange.

It's not merely about the pain for me; the pain is a vehicle to get me to my final destination. I guess I'm a "final destination slut"? (I personally do not get offended by calling myself a slut anymore...I use it in terms of monogamy, not in promiscuity, but it's taken awhile for me to arrive there.)

And it absolutely makes sense that it would require more force to get someone with a high pain threshold to the same destination as someone with a low threshold.

I just think it's people's natural inclination to categorize, label, and box people who are different.

Anyway, I am blathering. :) Glad you posted this!

Hugs,

Pink

Raven Red said...

Miss Pink

I absolutely hate being categorised and "boxed" - it is equivalent to stereotyping - and not recognising an individual for who he/she is...

And thank You!

Hugs

Raven

Beth said...

I, too, abhor being stereotyped. One of my pet peeves about a lot of labels used in the scene is that they tend to oversimplify a complex make-up of interests.

I think the term "painslut" is one of those words that means different things to different people. I've seen people embrace the term but I've also seen it used pejoratively.

A kink friend of mine occasionally calls me a painslut as a term of endearment. However, neither one of us can say for sure what it actually means. :P I do like my spankings/play to hurt but as only others in TTWD can understand, it isn't only about the pain. I'll admit that being called a painslut was a little off-putting at first, but I'm entertained by it now because it's more of a joke than anything. That said, I doubt I'd be as tickled if someone else used that term in reference to me.

P.S. I think this is my first time posting on your blog, so I thought I'd also add that I ♥ your blog.

Raven Red said...

Hi Beth

Thanks for the comments - and I agree with you. I find it sad that people are quick with labels though,and adamant in their beliefs they know what you are.
Truly, each to his own, but some mutual respect is required.
And thanks for posting - hope you will more in future, and thanks for the kind words.

Hugs

Raven

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