Rebellion and the Lochgelly Tawse

I thought that it was all done and dusted, along with my bottom because of it, but the saga of the "bleeping" tawse which I have written about before, continues.  I honestly do believe that if I hear one more word about that damn piece of cowhide, I will be going vegan...okay, maybe not totally, but definitely, where my bottom is concerned - no piece of leather will ever have the opportunity to touch my backside. Ever!

As a woman that is able to move on and put things behind her, although it is apparently not widely believed  by the male population, I delivered the tawse to HH, had my bottom warmed up considerably with it and did a faithful account of the said incident on my blog. Apart from nursing a sore bottom and avoiding where possible the wear of close fitting clothes, starting with any form of knickers, I carried on with life.

I should have heeded the warning signs in his voice when Uncle Nick phoned me from Mexico on Tuesday night. After the initial pleasantries, he stated that he has read my posting about the appointment with HH and the tawse. The way he is able to pronounce words with such a righteous drawl, should have set alarm bells off, but then silly old me was so excited to hear from him, that I literally ignored the little man jumping up and down in my brain, holding up a huge placard saying: "Run!!".

End result of the conversation? He very politely and in that oh so icy cold voice of his, told me that he still does not believe the story about my leaving the tawse accidentally behind in Coventry, and that his nose is out of joint, he is going to find the tawse he has in Mexico, and well basically, my bottom will be feeling it. Shortly after the conversation ended, I received a photo file, where one evil looking tawse is being held up triumphantly, and I swear I could actually heard the thing saying my name.

Going through my normal routine of reading the latest posts yesterday afternoon, I saw Uncle Nick has posted. Actual words escape me to describe my reaction to his post...no actually they do not, but they cannot be repeated here. I have now been labelled as prone to engage in inane prattling, although it has to be taken into account that I am NOT the one that is carrying on and on about a piece of leather. In addition, I am being accused of being patronising, all because out of pure desperation I offered to get another Lochgelly tawse when I am back in the UK. 

Chatting with HH on messenger, I informed him that it appears that although I am not even back in the country for a week; I am in trouble, again, about the damn tawse. I then asked him innocently whether he thought that I prattle, or whether he perceives me as patronizing. Receiving the word "Unlikely" but with a little icon of a man rolling around with uncontrollable laughter, did not appeal to my sense of humour at all. 

In addition, the fact that it appears that he is finding the whole thing extremely amusing, and is clearly not interested in my innocence in this whole debacle, is quite irritating. An actual statement was made that he "finds it funny that I am always in trouble". On top of it, he informs me to tell Uncle Nick "to take a chill pill"? I know the dear man is overworked, but he clearly also lost some of his cognitive functions. However, I did find it quite amusing how quickly HH lost his wonderful sense of humour, when I made my displeasure known, and obviously, again, with my poor bottom state of well being being threatened.

So, to Uncle Nick and HH, I now formally state: