My Right, My Choice, My Life

At times, I only shake my head and walk away, but for today, I am going to do a post about it. I yet again had to endure the sanctimonious drivel of a person that somewhere along the line forgot what an opinion is and what it is to be opinionated. I normally do not react publicly this way, however, this time; I want to make an exception. Raven Red is a blog about me, my relationships, my life, and the choices I have made and which I am still making. However, as honest as what I want this blog to be, it remains what it is. No one can claim to know me through my blog, for I am more than the written words that are reflected here every day.

Yet, it seems that in this online world not all people do realise or want to accept this. Intolerance, prejudice and judgements of characters are based on nothing more than what there is to read. I have to wonder whether there were any attempts to understand actions or reactions, or was it plainly based on discussion amongst peers, decisions being taken, easily brushing aside reasons that may not form part of the neatly, but unwanted, “defined” box that has been assigned to a person.

A year ago, I met a man, who did, within the first hour of realising that there was chemistry between us, become brutally honest about who and what he is. I was informed about his participation in the spanking trade, and he referred to himself as a pornographer of spanking kink. He is an educated man, highly intelligent that exercised his right to choose what he wants to do. There were many more tales to follow, some that had me gasping for breath and others that sent me into uncontrollable laughter. I was told about his temper, his philosophy towards life and woman. Cold, hard facts were given to me on a platter, letting me know of the side of him that is mostly seen in the public eye. I knew he was giving me a choice – I could walk away if I so deem fit. In that same hour, I asked the questions that were important to me, looking past the trappings of what has become his trade.

I did not walk away, for I chose not to package him into a box, as so many has done with me in the past. I am well aware of the harshness of words he can resort to at times, I have learned that when he protects me, he holds nothing back. He is one of the few people that understands that through all my bluster and non-chalant attitude, I am vulnerable and easily hurt, because he understands the terrible pain and loss I carry deep within me.  I am a fiery creature, headstrong, loyal and passionate, living and feeling life as it should be, but at times when pain, disillusionment and frustrations becomes more than what I can bear, a hardness creeps over me. He understands me fully, has not judged me once, and even though his hands will redden my bottom, never in anger, he ensures that I am returned to a softness, where only the best in me shines.

Even though this might not align to the expectations or concerns of some so quick to offer unwanted opinions, I truly know that I have finally found my safe harbour and that I am complete. We are both not perfect and make mistakes, we are both unwilling to accept the status quo when wanting more in life, but we have both found a quietness and peace when together.  I am more than words on a blog and I know who and what I am, so thank you for your concern, but at the end of the day, it remains my right to make choices for my life.



Pink said...

My duty as a friend is to be around for my friends when they need me. Although I occasionally open my mouth and say things that they do not want to hear (also a duty, I think), after I have spoken my mind, I remain.

What you and Uncle Nick have, like what we all have, is multi-dimensional and cannot be expressed in full on a blog. We do not see you in your together moments. We do not know all of the reasons you have chosen each other.

What I do know is this: you are a smart, intuitive and beautiful person. I support your choices and respect your decisions. If those choices, whether they be professional or personal, end up hurting you, I am here.

Hugs. You have my support, Raven.

Anonymous said...

Nick has lived some difficult years... perhaps a new life with a new love will help polish off some of his sharper edges...

I truly truly hope that you can make this work for both your sakes!


D said...

Hi Raven,
I don't often read other blogs and rarely comment when I do. Today is an exception because of your exceptional post.

Your words reach deep within me, perhaps due to my own personal experiences. For that reason, I'm leaving this comment.

You express yourself in a pure manner that reflects the way my Pink writes. It's clear to me that your inspiration is connected to someone you truly care for.

Pink and I have a mutually rewarding relationship and I would defend it against those who make judgmental comments against us.

To those who would believe that their opinion is more important than our own, I offer the gospel of John, chapter 8:
7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Raven Red said...


You have always been there for me, from the first post on the blog - and you have remained a constant ever since.

Thank you for your wonderful words, and the unconditional support that you have given, and still gives.

Most of all, thank you for the shoulder I can cry upon at times...



Raven Red said...


You do know the real man, and your comment is so much appreciated - more than what I think you will ever know.

Thank you.

Lots of hugs


Raven Red said...


Apart from being deeply honoured that you did comment, your comment means so much to me.

I think Pink is a very blessed woman to have a man like you in her life.

Thank you for the support and understanding, and as words can be so destructive at times, you have shown me again how healing it can also be when meant from the heart.

Lots of hugs

Miss Pink! He had me in tears...and that does not happen a lot! :)


No one ever gets the full picture of someones life from the bits and snippets that we get from the internet. It is always wise to remember, that from this medium we get to glance through a window at others, it is not the same as being in the room with them.


dd said...

Raven, your blog is so honest and open, but no-one should ever expect it to reveal all of you. As your friends we want you to be happy and some may express concerns.

None of us really know what happens behind the closed doors, nor should we. If you find happiness and contentment, then that, as your friends makes us happy. If not, as Pink said, we're here for you.

btw, I love that 1st photo :)

Brett B said...

I don't know what this is about, and with that in mind, I think no one is better equipped to make choices for your own life than you. I would expect in a public forum you'd attract opinions from even people who don't know you. For what it's worth and all that...


Dioneo said...

I can't really add much beyond what has been said. However revealing is your blog, you're right, we can never really know all of you and your circumstances. I typically give people the benefit of the doubt when they give unsolicited advice--people usually mean well. At the end of the day, though, you're right that you know you and your relationships best.

Anonymous said...

You can tell some things about people, how they use words gives away a lot - mostly between the lines. Everything between your lines is good ;-) xxx

Raven Red said...


My apologies for the late response - was away on a business conference, cannot decide which has tired me out the most - the work or the partying...(GRIN)

Re you comment - I agree fully. One can only get a sense of a person through media such as blogger (well, that is if the person is honest as well), the only way to really get to know someone is real life interaction.

Yet, there are people that seems to think that conclusions can be drawn on actually quite subjective, limited information.
Which I suppose is also okay - IF I do not have to be recipient of such conclusions...

Lots of hugs


Raven Red said...


Same apology to you re the late response (as in my comment to Prefectdt)

Thank you and I really do appreciate your comment and your support.



Raven Red said...


This is not so much about me, than more about the relationship choice I made.

My mother had a saying all her life - "your opinions regarding politics, religions and relationships in friendships you keep to yourself, until you are certain that you can call yourself a true friend of someone...and even then, you tread gently"

Maybe because I am in a country where for years we were subjected to prejudices, no, we were taught to be prejudiced and to stereotype, I am more sensitive to the fact that unless you can truly offer an opinion based on FACT, nothing should be said.

Okay - now that was some serious writing...need to go to bed now (GRIN)

Oh, and the same apology to you (see Prefectdt) re the late response.



Raven Red said...


To be honest, I do not mind advice - but I seriously object to subjective judgements coupled with a holier than thou attitude...



Raven Red said...


(blush) Thank you!!



Velvet said...


Only just finding time to catch up with your posts. Just wanted to say:


Forget them, whoever they were, they are not worth the emotional energy. Be YOU (the two of you) and enjoy every minute.

More hugs,

Velvet <3

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