2011/08/15

Avoidance

I have to confess that I have been avoiding my blog. The last week in South Africa before my flight to the UK was filled with seemingly non-stop last minute arrangements and meetings, and I never had a chance to even think about the blog, never mind write or post some images. The reality that I was finally on my way to the UK, only really set in when I was walking through the Frankfurt airport on my way to board the connecting flight.

Even with the excitement bubbling, a dreadful sadness settled over me. Seven weeks to spend with someone I deeply care about, the desperate attempts to slow time down, fill the days with as much as what is possible - but yet, knowing every day that time is limited. Three weeks have already flown past - I have met people and am still due to meet some more. I have seen and experienced places with so many more that I want to see. I have been folded into his arms, held as he promised me he would when we see each other again. I have been on the receiving side of his lectures and some of my offerings of “valid reasons" had resulted in him laughing from the bottom of his toes.

I have been pulled over his lap, a rebellion instantly quelled by his hand bruising my bottom. I have confirmed once again that for my bottom's welfare, the cane he has stashed in his closet should be destroyed. The tawse he so lovingly nurtures - well, words escape me. He has left it out - where I can see it every day, and I have had wonderful ideas about accidental mishaps that could befall that piece of leather...but must admit the courage to follow through is sorely lacking.

In all this time I did not want to blog. The blog reminds me of the escape it offers from being separated from him, being in another country - the tool to use to calm and soothe the hurt. The blog reminds me that the time will soon come again...my hurt, my frustration and sorrow growing as everyday go past, building to that moment where life seems to lose its vibrancy and colours again. I understand world economics, immigration policies, and the difficulties currently experienced in this wonderful country, but as I living my life in this country with him for the couple of days given to us, I also know that I have always been optimistic about life...yet, now, I am only praying for some miracle.

I am no longer sure whether I can survive the sorrow that I know will be arriving soon, or will be able to fight off the bleakness and loneliness that builds every day with the longing and missing. I do not know how much pieces of my life I will have to lose again as I wish it away until I can board a plane again for a bit of time with him...returning to a blog to fill that void and soothe the pain within my soul.




4 comments:

Velvet said...

Enjoy your time together Raven, every second of every minute.

Big big hugs,

Velvet <3

Raven Red said...

Thank you Velvet - and hoping to see you within the next week or so.

Hugs

Raven
xx

bree512 said...

I know how you feel. People who are close should not have to leave each other too long. It bites on the nerves and is more painful than anything I know.

I hate the cane, but love tawse. The tawes tickles me.

Anonymous said...

U are lucky u know. I would give anything for 7 weeks. I would be glad of 7hours, but 7mins is not enough...... hope u have a fab holiday. Of course u will make the most,
XXx

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