Want/Need

The refusal to submit to any form of spanking for a two-month period born out of a spurt of stubbornness had led to a very short lived caning last Sunday, with me opting out at the first opportunity given. It is amazing how well HH knows me by now - he did state that the effect of the caning will only last for a couple of days. We had a tentative appointment scheduled for yesterday afternoon; however, HH had to cancel due to an important meeting.

I was not overly perturbed about it, in actual fact, I was having such a fun day yesterday, that the cancellation seemed not to matter very much. Or so I thought. Last night while chatting with Uncle Nick the first symptoms appeared. A feeling of discontent, slightly irritated with the world slowly started creeping over me. As the night wore on, things progressively deteriorated. As much as what I tried to curb the flow of conflicting emotions, it was of no use - I became more and more withdrawn, unsettled and restless.

I love to make bold statements when defiant; I will quite adamant declare that I do not want or need to be disciplined, I will be quick to point out that I do not want or need any sermons and I will vehemently argue that I do not want or need to be spanked. However, I find it quite ironic today that having being saved by the bell from a spanking yesterday, and should really be jubilant about my bottom being unharmed, I find myself instead craving for it with every fibre in my being.

I want and need to hear a stern voice saying the words that do not come with any other option but to obey, for that redirects me back to where I should be. I want and need to be disciplined, shown where the boundaries are yet again, for that is what calms and releases the stress within me. I want and need to be told to bend over, that I will be spanked, regardless of what I might or might not say for that is when I know I am no longer in control. I want and need that that wonderful/awful emotion when anticipation mixed with fear rise up in me as my knickers is lowered for that is then, that I know that I am beyond the point of no return. I want and need to be spanked.