2011/01/01

Reflections

It is strange how on this first day of 2011, the year of 2010 all of a sudden seem so far away and how time suddenly changed from yesterday/today, to last year/this year. But before I close the door on yesterday, last year, my last toast to 2010, my reflections of the year in which I have finally found the road home.


It was last year that I took my first deliberate step away from expected conformity and the rejection of living according to the rules of the box I was placed in.

It was last year when to the consternation of all friends and family, in a firm declaration of independence, that I boarded a plane bound for the USA, woman alone, a month of exploration ahead,  in a country that I had always dreamed to see, alone, in any way I would want to.

It was last year when isolated from what I have always known, discovering and exploring the sights and sounds of a strange country, that I experienced a change within myself, with repressed pieces of myself, numbed over the years with guilt, coming to the fore.

It was last year, when I decided to stop running away from myself, to explore my desires and need within, and to accept myself, no matter what I found, or who I am.


It was last year when standing in front of a man, dominant and strong, being told for the first time in years that my behaviour was inacceptable and punishable, that I offered no argument or protest , but only had rejoiced in the thrill of anticipation of what was to come.

It was last year when for the first time I was bent over a chair, not objecting to  my dress being lifted up, his hands pulling down my panties and leaving my bottom bare, I had acknowledged the  need for being submissive within. 

It was last year, when although whimpering in pain as my bare bottom had felt the burning whisperings of a cane, the heavy thud of a paddle, the stinging kiss of leather, or the sound of a hand impacting against my flesh, I had realised that this was always who I have been.

It was last year, that even though my bared bottom was welted, red and burning with pain, praying and pleading for the punishment to come to an end, I would lift my bottom again, accepting the next stroke, and the one thereafter, that I had fully found, embraced and celebrated the submissive I am.


It was last year, that when for the first time, I felt the hardness within me breaking away, stroke after stroke, being replaced with a softness, making me gentler and calm, that I had fully  understood and knew that I have become, finally the woman who I am. 

As the New Year of 2011 awaits, fresh, without any imprints yet, I know that my feet is still firmly on the road from last year, after all, it is a journey,.....my journey.

4 comments:

Brett B said...

What a momentous year 2010 was for you, like being born again. I hope 2011 is even better as you live the new life.

Tenth Muse Top said...

May 2011 be a wonderful year for you Raven. I look forward to reading more insightful sensuous posts.
:) Aer

Raven Red said...

Brett,

2010 truly was the year that everything changed for me...and thank you for the wishes for this year.

Hugs

Raven

Raven Red said...

TMT

Happy to see you are back...everything the of the best for you in 2011

Hugs

Raven

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