Communication Strategies

You have had a small incident, nothing major - it is not as if the world is about to end. However, you also know that HE is waiting at home, and for some odd reason, he WILL want to know about your little mishap of the day. Therefore, you have relaxed your forehead to get rid of any frowns, and had practised all day long to make sure your eyes remain wide and innocent and that you only blink every two minutes when you really cannot stand the dryness anymore. You have made sure in front of a mirror that the smile remains exactly right - a sweeter smile would not be found anywhere else on the planet. You have taken a couple of deep breaths, made sure that your halo and wings were all functioning, and then went home to face HIM.

You have done WHAT???

Now although you onto a bad start do not lose hope yet...there might still be a way out of it.  This is the time to list everyone else that might (or might not) had a contribution to your mishap. Downplay your role, focus on the others, and use every emotion you can think of. Anger at yourself for being so helpless in the situation, irritation that nobody seemed to care...you get the picture. The frown on his forehead does not necessarily mean that it is all over – keep faith! He might even think it over, longer than usual - that is a small positive sign.

SLIGHT FROWNING - DO NOT PANIC



HE IS STILL THINKING IT OVER...
DEEP BREATHS WITH CALM FACE REQUIRED AT THIS STAGE

The first warning sign to be aware of is known as "The Primary Upward Eyebrow Movement" OR "The Spock Expression". If you notice any upwards movement in the hairy caterpillar above one of his eyes (or both), be warned. It might rather go downhill from here onwards...

THE PRIMARY UPWARD EYEBROW MOVEMENT
AKA
THE SPOCK EXPRESSION

 This is the last opportunity you will have to say anything to save your bottom. A fast, effective and hopefully a well-prepared apologetic speech will come in handy at this moment. I would rather strongly advice thought, that the moment the "The Secondary Meeting of the Eyebrows Movement" happen, which normally occurs simultaneously with "The Downwards Movement of the Mouth", cease all talking immediately. Oh, maybe I should have told you this earlier, but ALWAYS ensures that some escape route remains open. 

"THE SECONDARY MEETING OF THE EYEBROWS MOVEMENT"
IN CONJUCTION WITH
"THE DOWNWARD MOVEMENT OF THE MOUTH"

 This is NOT the time to become defensive, angry, or sarcastic, and I also strongly recommend that you refrain from rolling your eyes, sighing or clicking your tongue. Oh, and from personal experience - it is not advisable to tell him "Talk to the hand!" However, if you are unable to contain yourself, the following reactions are most likely to follow:

STAGE 1



STAGE 2



STAGE 3 - NOT A PRETTY SIGHT AT ALL
 NO REMARKS ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS REGARDING HIS HEALTH TO BE UTTERED 

I TOLD YOU THIS IS NOT THE BEST TIME TO REMIND HIM ABOUT HIS BLOOD PRESSURE!!

ESPECIALLY NOT IN THAT SARCASTIC TONE!!

Do not let the calmer face or voice fool you. Any sentence that includes "Young Lady", "Unacceptable behaviour”, "Insolent", "I see we have a problem" will have a direct impact on your own state of health, especially a specific part of your anatomy. 



BEWARE!!



Trust me on this one. I can guarantee what will follow next:

If you have reached this point, there is sadly nothing more I can say in terms of advice, however, the abundant use of "I am sorry" especially when your bottom feels as if it could provide central heating to your local city for the foreseeable future...does help. A bit.