2011/04/03

Communication Strategies

You have had a small incident, nothing major - it is not as if the world is about to end. However, you also know that HE is waiting at home, and for some odd reason, he WILL want to know about your little mishap of the day. Therefore, you have relaxed your forehead to get rid of any frowns, and had practised all day long to make sure your eyes remain wide and innocent and that you only blink every two minutes when you really cannot stand the dryness anymore. You have made sure in front of a mirror that the smile remains exactly right - a sweeter smile would not be found anywhere else on the planet. You have taken a couple of deep breaths, made sure that your halo and wings were all functioning, and then went home to face HIM.

You have done WHAT???


Now although you onto a bad start do not lose hope yet...there might still be a way out of it.  This is the time to list everyone else that might (or might not) had a contribution to your mishap. Downplay your role, focus on the others, and use every emotion you can think of. Anger at yourself for being so helpless in the situation, irritation that nobody seemed to care...you get the picture. The frown on his forehead does not necessarily mean that it is all over – keep faith! He might even think it over, longer than usual - that is a small positive sign.

SLIGHT FROWNING - DO NOT PANIC

HE IS STILL THINKING IT OVER...
DEEP BREATHS WITH CALM FACE REQUIRED AT THIS STAGE
The first warning sign to be aware of is known as "The Primary Upward Eyebrow Movement" OR "The Spock Expression". If you notice any upwards movement in the hairy caterpillar above one of his eyes (or both), be warned. It might rather go downhill from here onwards...

THE PRIMARY UPWARD EYEBROW MOVEMENT
AKA
THE SPOCK EXPRESSION
 This is the last opportunity you will have to say anything to save your bottom. A fast, effective and hopefully a well-prepared apologetic speech will come in handy at this moment. I would rather strongly advice thought, that the moment the "The Secondary Meeting of the Eyebrows Movement" happen, which normally occurs simultaneously with "The Downwards Movement of the Mouth", cease all talking immediately. Oh, maybe I should have told you this earlier, but ALWAYS ensures that some escape route remains open. 
"THE SECONDARY MEETING OF THE EYEBROWS MOVEMENT"
IN CONJUCTION WITH
"THE DOWNWARD MOVEMENT OF THE MOUTH"
 This is NOT the time to become defensive, angry, or sarcastic, and I also strongly recommend that you refrain from rolling your eyes, sighing or clicking your tongue. Oh, and from personal experience - it is not advisable to tell him "Talk to the hand!" However, if you are unable to contain yourself, the following reactions are most likely to follow:

STAGE 1

STAGE 2

STAGE 3 - NOT A PRETTY SIGHT AT ALL
 NO REMARKS ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS REGARDING HIS HEALTH TO BE UTTERED 


I TOLD YOU THIS IS NOT THE BEST TIME TO REMIND HIM ABOUT HIS BLOOD PRESSURE!!
ESPECIALLY NOT IN THAT SARCASTIC TONE!!



Do not let the calmer face or voice fool you. Any sentence that includes "Young Lady", "Unacceptable behaviour”, "Insolent", "I see we have a problem" will have a direct impact on your own state of health, especially a specific part of your anatomy. 

BEWARE!!

Trust me on this one. I can guarantee what will follow next:


If you have reached this point, there is sadly nothing more I can say in terms of advice, however, the abundant use of "I am sorry" especially when your bottom feels as if it could provide central heating to your local city for the foreseeable future...does help. A bit.

10 comments:

dublin.paolo said...

Loved that one.....Excellent!!

Best wishes,

Paolo

Emily Winters said...

Raven,
But what happens when he's too angry to spank? Then what is your advice please?
Emily

wordsmith said...

Funny!! Loved the Spock Gif...in fact I might have to admit to pinching a few of your Smileys...no morals that's the problem ;-)

Britt said...

I loved this!

ronnie said...

Loved the post Raven, excellent.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Raven Red said...

Paulo

Thank You! Happy that you enjoyed.

Hugs

Raven

Raven Red said...

Emily

That he is to angry bit - I normally leave him alone, stay out of his sight, do not utter even a peep - and pray. A lot.

Have to admit, that Uncle Nick has been extremely angry with me in the past - and that I have been very grateful for the (unwanted 99.999% of the time) distance between us.

Hugs

Raven

Raven Red said...

Wordsmith

No morals? Which makes me think about a certain photo on your blog, where you INSISTED you only dropped the paddle...(GRIN)

Oh, and I love Mr Spock.

Hugs

Raven

Raven Red said...

Britt

Cannot tell you how much fun I had with this one...but nearly landed myself up in trouble with it.

Uncle Nick: "Sweetums, is there perhaps something you need to tell me?"

Me: Giggling as if I am 16 years old and had nearly just been caught smoking around the corner. I was denying any wrong doing vehemently between the peals of laughter which somehow I think were not helping.

Hugs

Raven

Raven Red said...

Ronnie, thank you!

Hugs

Raven

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