Nothing left

I have been sitting around all day long drinking loads of coffee and water, not by own choice though - I was officially working. The problem was that there were processes that had to be followed, which, unfortunately were not in my hands. So, with nothing much else to do but wait, I have had a whole day to do nothing more than think about Monday evening.

I have read every newspaper the coffee shop have to offer, had conversations with total strangers, sat with my headphones listening to music, had breakfast and lunch, and even dinner, but the whole time my thoughts will eventually have drifted back to what is to come. I know that it is called anticipation, I know that as the time draws closer, it becomes all consuming, your body reacting with every though that flits through your mind that you so desperately try to suppress, I know this, I have been here before. Yet, this time, it is so very different.

It has nearly been a year since the day that I met HH in a coffee shop. This strange man was looking across a table at me, while I was nervously discussing a topic, which in the end became a crucial turn around point in my life. From the first spanking where I point blank refused for my panties to come down – and he the gentleman that he is, to allow for it, to the point now where he only states to “prepare myself”, he has always been a constant. Not even realising it he has become such a critical part of my life, not only a disciplinarian, but a friend that I can say good morning to every day.

I know that I am going to receive the punishment of my life on Monday evening; after all, I was warned – more than once at that. I know that I will not be sitting comfortably for a few days – that is a given. However, the uncertainty regarding the consequences of what I have done, or how much damage I have caused, that is new to me. I have effectively transported myself back to a year ago – nervous and unsure of myself, but with one major difference.

The first time I relied on bluster, wit, and cheeky comments to maintain some form of equilibrium, but on Monday evening I will be no longer able to do that – he knows me to well. For the first time ever since I have met HH, none of my defences will be in place, for I have nothing else left but to offer my full submission.

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