Raven Red

2011/04/15

I really did it this time.

I really did it this time. I did not think it was possible, but then on the other hand, thinking back I sincerely doubt that any of my rational thought processes were in existence. Noticed how many times I have written, "Think"? It is sort of a reminder to myself that at any given time, I should be rather using brainpower and control, than emotions - it is much safer that way.

It started with the normal banter and teasing, but somewhere along the line, it suddenly turned in a red hot moment, and typical to my nature, I lashed out – not caring at that moment what I was saying. Pure anger raged through me, and blinded by four months of frustration, exhaustion and irritation, I acted on pure instinct. My anger and hurt that are at times so intertwined, that to differentiate between the two becomes an impossible task, rushed to the surface, and my fingers typed words that I wish I could recall.

He is normally a mild mannered man, and I think at times bemused by my antics, but every person has a limit, and last Wednesday, HH reached his. That it was a sobering moment is to say the least. Even though I did not know exactly which of my comments managed to send him over the edge, it was with an icy cold fist around my heart that I apologised. Raging anger I understand, I can respond to quick and hard words, I shrug off sarcasm with some of my own, but against polite and cold words, I have no defence. It reduces me to a ball of nothingness, I feel like a small child, silly, stupid and idiotic.

He accepted my apology immediately, but I knew that within me, that those couple of minutes would be haunting me for a long time to come. Tears and guilt made me toss and turn all night long, with self-disgust and anger building. I am an intelligent woman, but at times, my actions are even beyond my own comprehension. The more I was thinking about it, the more I became ashamed, disgusted by my own behaviour.

Early on Thursday morning, I sent another apology, upon which I received a polite answer that it is forgotten; he had already stated that he accepted the apology. Feeling properly chastised I asked the dreaded question, convinced in my heart that after my behaviour he will turn his back on me, and I knew that I would have not been able to blame him if chose that option. A short conversation followed.

“If you need a spanking, yes”

My answer was meek and mild, “I do”

“I think you do too”

I had no valid arguments or excuses for my behaviour and in two words only I acknowledged this. “I know”

“Monday, 18h00”

I can barely think about my behaviour on Wednesday, and I definitely do not want to think about Monday evening. It is three days away, but apart from the certain knowledge that I will regret every action of this past Wednesday, and am most likely not going to be able to sit down properly for a while; I am filled with dread at the mere fact that I will have to face HH.

For I will have to stand in front of him, person to person, and none of my quick wit, or light hearted banter to push things away from myself will be of any help. I am going to have to face the consequences of my own actions, and with no valid grounds for my behaviour, that part of me that I try to hide away from prying eyes, will be wide open for scrutiny...and that is not only embarrassing, it scares me.

Still researching...

I found this photo in Stumbleupon.

It was taken in Cambodia, and I have to say that it rather does looks like a spanking being depicted; however, I am still busy researching what the actual story behind this could be.

I must admit though, with my vivid imagination, the other option about what it could be possibly illustrating, does rather leave me red in the face...

2011/04/14

Found the Answer

Vintage advertisements fascinate me. I always find myself between an “OMG! What were they thinking?" and fits of uncontrollable laughter. . Taking the period into account, I do assume that the "creativity" behind these ads, could mostly be attributed to men...But I do wonder at times, where on earth did the attitude come from?

(I do think I might have the answer though...)

&&&&&&&

The words on the bottom of the ad states:

"For men only....brand new man talking, power packed patterns that tell her it is a man's world...and make her so happy that it is".

No argument there. Dear gods, with those lovely "power packed" patterns what woman would want to be associated with it? They can keep that "man talking" world to themselves! I do not want any part of it at all. Must be honest as well, I will also serve his breakfast on my knees - anything to avoid looking directly at that hideous piece of material around his neck.

&&&&&&&

First paragraph:

"We are not saying that if wives simply use Chlorodent their husbands will never look at a pretty woman"

Okay, the photo first. The other woman is a Black Widow Spider? No amount of refreshed breath will then save the "poor" straying husband - Black Widow spiders have quite a nasty habit of killing their mate after mating. Second thought - that is if she does not pass out from the beer and garlic flavoured vapours leaving his mouth.

About the first paragraph? If you are not saying that simply using Chlorodent will stop men looking at other pretty woman, why print the ad in the first place? Eh...the big bold letters are exactly saying, what you are saying that you are not saying.

&&&&&&&

"To enable them to get through work as early as their husbands"

Okay, the ad was written for exactly whom? "Them" are the ones that are suppose to be using the stuff...and "their husbands" will then be so delighted. Oh, and the little fact that husbands can get through their work early (8 hours) as opposed to "Them" taking 14 hours?

Simple: Thanks to the wonderfully talented females in front of a closed office door...secretaries. My dad has been retired for over fifteen years now, but his secretary still phones my mother to this day on her birthday and her wedding anniversary.

&&&&&&&

The answer!

Definitely NOT spanked long enough!

That would have removed all those patronising little remarks straight from all the brain cells....

2011/04/13

Equal Bottom Benefits

For HIS enjoyment:

Slight wind under the wings...as she is going to her corner?

For HIS Enjoyment:

Bending over already?

For HIS enjoyment:

Definitely "ready" and bending over!

For MY enjoyment?

Come ON!!!

Not fair..even the wind is working against me on this one....

I am demanding equal bottom viewing benefits...

2011/04/12

The Ramblings of a Spanker

HH had "honoured" me in writing another post for my blog. Last week, on one of the bluest Monday's I have had, I had to present myself at his offices in the early evening. After a couple of days of agonizing, feeling the utmost resentment and everything else that one could possibly feel about having to have a certain part of your anatomy coloured in, I did. I received his mail the next day, but by then my work was seriously interfering with my social life again. Therefore, tonight, for the first time, in a long, long time, I am home early enough to give HH’s scribbling the loving and warm attention it so deserves…

Monday was a hectic day. I was flat out getting work out to clients. Raven and I had chatted briefly on IM that morning and confirmed the time for 18h00 at my offices. This time works well for me, as I am usually winding my day down and most of the people in my office park have departed. Although there are a few girls in the office park who I would be very happy to bend over my desk, I am not that keen that the sounds that emanate from my offices when a good spanking is going down should be heard by all and sundry!

Unusually, apart from an unanswered question posed to Raven as to how many strokes she needed that evening, I had not devoted any further thought to her punishment that evening. In fact, when she arrived, she caught me on the hop. I was still trying to finish work that I had promised clients would be delivered that day. My reality is that I was completely unprepared to spank her.

You may well ask the question “What preparation does the Top need to deliver a sound spanking?”

I can tell you that the preparation is very different from the anguish the Bottom goes through for the days and hours leading up to the spanking. Cast your eye over Scarlett’s blog to get an understanding of her feelings as her meeting with me later that week was drawing nigh. Raven has also more than amply discussed her feelings as the hour approaches.

I certainly do understand these feelings and angst a Bottom experiences while waiting for a good caning. I have experienced them personally. I think the anticipation is an essential part of the process. The feeling as you force one foot in front of the other to get to your meeting with destiny! I do not need to warm up for a spanking. I do not need to practice my aim on a defenceless cushion. Physically, I can do the job with unerring accuracy and precision without any form of warm up.

What is important is to get my mind attuned to the Bottom’s needs and to have a plan to deal with whatever comes up. That is why I like talking to my Bottoms beforehand. I need to get a handle on where their heads are – if that is ever possible with a woman! It also prolongs the moment, as they have to sit and chat, knowing that they will soon be baring their bottoms for the cane!

On Monday night, I had no plan when Raven arrived. I had not decided on an implement, the number and intensity of the spanking she was to receive. I was also distracted by work and not really in the mood for play. We chatted about her work –Raven prattled on about the complete lack of morality in her company, the country, her plans for her holiday and the lack of any form of sympathy she was receiving from the UK immigration officials. We also managed to get my Facebook identity sorted out.

I was kind of delaying the inevitable and it was getting late. And she needed to be caned! I instructed her to assume the position. She now knows exactly where I want her placed and as I drew the blinds, she hastily rearranged the furniture. I was still mentally unprepared – although I had told her that she would get a dozen strokes. At his point, I had still not decided on the intensity.

Despite her description of “searing pain” streaking across her buttocks as the first stroke landed, it was a rather tame swish. The next five strokes followed. All rather mild compared to some of our earlier canings. Her butt was, despite the timidity of the strokes, starting to mark up rather well.

I decided to switch to my newfound “backhand” for the remaining six. I repositioned her to ensure I had sufficient space for the wind-up and gave her a further six, with most of the impact concentrated on her left cheek. These were somewhat harder than the previous six. I was now starting to get into it. I finally had my mind focused on the job at hand and was somewhat disappointed when the end arrived so suddenly.

The lesson for me is that my mental preparation needs to be much more closely attuned to my Bottoms anticipation. Failure to do so certainly diminishes my pleasure, although most Bottoms will scarcely notice the difference. That is why I love the cane so much. It is such an effective tool that even when wielded at less than the levels of perfection for which I strive, it still does a damn fine job.

Next time Raven, I will be better prepared! You have been warned.

HH, thank you so much for allowing me to share the musings of a confused spanker with everyone. Let me assure you I know exactly where MY head was, especially taking into consideration that I am NOT in the habit of forgetting passwords, and in general do not have problems in sorting my access out to certain websites, eh...like Facebook.

I really do not want to prattle, but your perception that I hastily rearranged furniture is as misguided as your impression that the first stroke was a tame swish. Oh, and I have taken note of the warning...promise!